Navigating the complexities of caring for aging parents presents profound emotional and logistical hurdles. From managing health crises to balancing work and personal life, caregivers often face overwhelming stress. A special interest of Damefender Financial Partners is to help working daughters by providing strategies and resources based on our own personal experiences and research. As a data-driven, analytical team, we’ve spent a lot of time studying this area and learning from experts. We recently read “Working Daughter: A Guide to Caring for Your Aging Parents While Making a Living” by Liz O’Donnell and would like to highlight helpful tips for anyone who is personally, or knows someone, taking on this challenging role.
1. How to Get a Difficult Parent to Take Action: A personal favorite “hack” from this book was an idea utilized by one Dem daughter for her Republican father who would not stop shoveling the driveway in winter, despite heart problems and emergency hospital visits. To motivate him to take her up on her offer, she would make a lump sum deposit into an account for snow plowing, which Dad could use. If by the end of April any funds were left, they would be donated to the DNC. And as reported, those account funds were always gone by April going forward!
2. Worst Word for Caregivers: Remove from your vocabulary SHOULD. Anytime you find yourself starting a sentence or thought with “I Should”, that’s an indicator that you’ve internalized someone else’s expectations and values (example: “I should call my Mom” or “I should attend more of my child’s school activities”). Pay attention to your “Shoulds”!
3. Employer/Employee: Your personal life is personal, not company business – less is more when sharing reasons for needing flex accommodations. Install a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy. I won’t ask why you need to leave at 2:30 and please don’t tell me.
INSTEAD TELL ME: WHAT, WHEN, WHO, WHEN
a. What work I can expect from you and When I can expect it
b. Who I can call in your absence
c. When you’ll be available again
4. BONUS: Personal Aha: The most material fact that our Founder, Zahya Beall, has learned over the last decade of researching this topic is that Medicare doesn’t cover most healthcare expenses that involve a chronic illness – i.e., something you’re not expected to recover from. This remains the most expensive retirement risk we see in our practice and can be tackled with long term care insurance, or devising a smart estate planning strategy like the “5yr look back provision”.
Source: “Working Daughter: A Guide to Caring for Your Aging Parents While Making a Living” by Liz O’Donnell. “Working Daughter” is a poignant exploration of the challenges faced by adult children who are simultaneously balancing careers and caregiving responsibilities for their aging parents. The book delves into the emotional and practical struggles of navigating healthcare systems, managing family dynamics, and maintaining personal well-being amidst caregiving duties. It highlights the complexities of this dual role and offers insights and strategies to help caregivers find balance, support, and self-care while honoring their parents’ needs and wishes.
This material was produced for Damefender Financial Partners use. The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.